I've had a few thoughts in recent days that have helped me get past some hurdles. Since coming up here to our new home, I've wrestled with how much to let new people into my little bubble of personal space and comfort. Community and authentic relationships aren't something that come naturally or easily for me... but I think it's that way for everyone. Thankfully there has been a pocket of guys who have forced their way into my little zone I tried to keep to myself.
I've tried so much in my life to keep stuff inside, to not let others besides a select few into my sphere of the authentic me. But in the past month it's become quite obvious that I'm not as special and unique as I always thought. This has been huge for me to realize. In talking to people and consciously making the choice to seek community, I've learned we're all basically the same, despite my judgements about others. It's been nice to realize that I'm not unique in what I'm going through. Everyone's got the same stuff going on.
These guys have invaded my life and I'm thrilled. I've never had people I hardly knew push through my walls like these guys have. It's like there's a conspiracy to not let me shrink into my little corner, because each time I try to do that my phone will ring and the next thing I know I'm opening up my soul to a brother I've only known for 4 months and he's telling me that he's struggling with the same stuff. And this kind of thing happens all the time! I found myself cracking my soul open to a group of 12 people on Monday night, doing something I swore I never would. And the cool thing is that they accept me as I am. It's so easy to tell someone they need to be transparent and real about who they are to experience genuine community and relationship, but quite another to believe it yourself. Maybe it really is worth the risk.
It's so nice to realize that I'm not the only person in the world.
I like knowing that the guy next to me, whoever he might be, is probably wrestling with the same things. I hope he knows that he's not the only one either. Therein lies my responsibility as a Christian. I think that's all our responsibility. Relationships are a two way street. It takes me being willing to realize that I'm not as great as I make myself out to be, and realizing that others are just as valuable and real.
Being willing to accept my un-specialness as an individual sort of makes me realize that our value is that much greater as children of God. Paradox? Why does it take me thinking less of myself to realize how much I am loved?
Here's to you, my love. You're beautiful. You don't need to be shy, come on out of the garage, show you're lovely sliding doors and luxurious spaciousness. Go ahead and brag about those two captain's chairs gladly sporting child safety seats and all the cheerios & french fries buried in the sides. Nobody cares that your floors are already covered with plastic toys & empty juice boxes. Be proud of your uncontrolled desire to stop at soccer fields and parks wherever you go. You're part of a big family, just look around, there's got to be 50 of your brothers and sisters in any place you choose to park. It doesn't matter that you can't roll your side windows down like all those other cars can... we still love you. Can all those other cars hold 7 people without even batting an eye? I think not. Can those other cars hold 3 car seats? No chance. Don't you worry about the fact your drivers swore they'd never love someone like you. It's their garage that you now call home. Actions speak louder than words, my love. You rock. You dominate the street with your pretty good gas mileage, who cares that you don't have 4 wheel drive? 
