i came upon a realization

for Christmas this year i received 3 sweaters. one from my wife and two from my brother in law. i've nothing against sweaters, in fact i really like them and wanted a few. but a thought came to me in the wake of opening gifts: only dad's get sweaters for Christmas. not specifically dads as in fathers, but dads in guys who have somehow come to a point where people say: "mmm, not sure what else to get for him, so i'll just get a sweater." we get my dad a shirt and sweater every Christmas, probably have so for some years now. we got sherry's dad a few sweaters, too.

sweaters.

a few weeks ago i decided to go for a run. it was a little cold out, so i put on some sweats, a hoodie, and my shoes over my black sunday socks. it came to me at that point also that i've come to a crossroads. i'm that guy who just doesn't care anymore. at one point it probably did matter to me what i looked like going out for a run, but now i'm sporting some running shoes with black sunday socks, some sweats that don't fit very well, a big hoodie, and some really nice bed-head. and yet i walked out the door without shame.

that guy must be a dad. i bed he gets sweaters for Christmas, too.

i'm ok with it.

atticus finch?

last year i went to work at the youth ranch and the guys were watching "to kill a mockingbird" as a reward as some of them just finished reading the book. i've read it long ago and had once seen the movie although it never really meant anything to me. but something happened as i watched atticus finch go to bat for the accused tom robinson. he defended robinson to the end, while at the same time jeopardizing himself for being associated with tom and his family in the midst of a racist and ignorant community. atticus finch was spit on and shunned by many for doing what was right. harper lee truly created a man of high stature and quality in this noble character. atticus finch was the kind of man who did what was right without any care for credit or recognition. he loved his kids and gave whatever he was doing his all.

when i watched atticus' closing speech to the jury (read here) that day in the boys home, i was taken by the irony of the setting. i was listening to some of the most noble of words being delivered into the ears of our culture's youngest victims, criminals, helpless, and victimizers. these guys overall would be the ones to criticize atticus finch and spit in his face, not stand beside him, for standing beside him would be the far less popular thing to do. i sat there and prayed that in some way the amazing words coming out of finch's mouth would sink into thier minds for them to see that there's a better way that the narrow and destructive life they've known. i prayed they could see there is a higher road to travel, even though it's narrow and often times difficult. i prayed that i could be the kind of guy who would demonstrate the way of atticus finch, because the way of atticus finch is very much the way of the Kingdom.

Donald Miller

I'm reading a book called Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller and it's challenging my very way of thinking about every day life. I'm realizing how unbelievably and unnecessarily complicated I make things. It's as though reading this account of a trip from Houston to Oregon is showing me the daily grind that I find myself in is no less a journey than an extended road trip. God is revealing Himself in small things where so often I gloss over them without so much a passing notice. I've been in deep contact with my thoughts and am loving it. Last year while working at the Youth Ranch I read Blue Like Jazz, also by Donald Miller, which similarly found me where I was and helped me to process new and unexpected times. I appreciate how he writes and the level of honesty in which he approaches each sentence.

bread

this last week i have been strugging with a few people in how to relate to them despite some real irritations and annoyances. it's been effecting me quite a bit, always on my mind despite any efforts to move on or just forget it. i've tried rationalizing in effort to make sense of things, i've tried to look at the bigger picture... all to no avail. we've all dealt with stuff like this, no?

anyway... the church where i'm attending and on staff is in the process of changing our name, as part of a bigger process of "refocus" or "restart." i'm coming in on the tail end of things but have been lucky enough to be part of whats happening here. it's good stuff. anyway, our new name is emmaus road, a nazarene community. this may sound like a strange name, but it's got a pretty sweet story behind it. it's all based on the passage at the end of the book of luke where a post-resurrrection Jesus meets up with some disciples on a road leading to the town of emmaus. as they travel, they talk and for some reason they don't realize who He is. but as they journey and He explains the scriptures to them, making sense of all the things that have gone on recently. upon arrival in emmaus, they share a meal, where they continue to talk. it's in this time when they fully realize they're in the company of no other than a risen Jesus. later, they relate their experiences with other believers, saying, "He was revealed to us in the breaking of bread."

this idea of journey and breaking of bread has become sort of a model for ministry at our church. it just seems to me that the whole idea of journeying with Christ and with one another makes sense. we've had a new emphasis on breaking bread together much more often, in the belief that it's a real and tangible way that God reveals Himself to His people. today as we took communion together it was as though this passage of scripture came alive to me. as i took the bread and the cup together, i was overwhelmed with the realization that my issues with these people are covered by the very body and blood of Jesus. the very people i'm struggling with are people i love and take this journey of faith alongside. it was as though plain and simply the Spirit showed me that things will work out, the bigger reality was that we eat from the same table as His disciples. that's bigger than my petty annoyances. Jesus truly did reveal Himself to me in a new way through the breaking of bread with fellow travelers.