Readings

The proof par excellence of the Christian who has experienced God's unbearable forgiveness and infinate patience is that they are able to be forgiving and patiend with others. Whatever other gifts they may possess, this sign given by Jesus stamps his life as being "in the Spirit." (Brennan Manning, Reflections for Ragamuffins, 28. August)

I suck.

Where He Showed Up Today

My truck has been overheating and losing coolant/antifreeze quite a bit. It's to the point where I can't drive it anymore. It had been a come and go problem but really came to a head last night to where I called 2 of my friends and had to bail out on our plans to play disc golf today. I just told them I'd have to wait until next time because I needed to take my truck to the mechanic instead. I didn't think it would make it over to Boise.

Unexpectedly, my friend calls me and says he's coming over to look at the problem and see if we could avoid taking it to the shop. So he came over around 10 am and we popped the hood and dove in. I don't know anything about anything when it comes to cars, so I was basically an observer as he worked on my truck until 4:30 in the afternoon. My other friend came over and helped out as well. It has really dawned on me tonight how truly great these friends are. They saved my butt, in a big way. Not only is my truck feeling better, but I didn't even have to take it to a shop. I saw what servanthood and humility looked like today. It looked like a couple friends giving up their whole day to bury their heads under the hood of my beat up Nissan. I think that's what Jesus would have done, too.

1 1/2 Years

I can't believe that we've had Breklinn for amost a year and a half. She is getting to be so much fun. More and new things happen every day. It's all such a new adventure for us. I've never been around young children that much and being a dad has been the best experience so far that I could have ever even thought of. She's so funny, the things she picks up, the things we find her doing keep us simling and on our toes all the time. With this of course comes trying and difficult stuff as well. She's very strong willed, but the more I see babies the more I realize that all of them tend to be that way. Sometimes we are so used to just being with Brek that all the bad stuff she does makes us feel like we're bad parents. We were with our friends the other day who have a son about a month younger than Brek. It was quite refreshing to see him running around not listening to his dad, not wanting to come, not wanting to be held, and screaming when being picked up. Wow, we're not the only ones. I've never been so relieved to see 2 kids running around screaming and pushing. This picture here is of Breklinn in a common spot: The dog's water dish. She likes to take a quick swim in it every now and again. It has since gone outside.

Walk the Line

I'm looking for a job. It's an interesting time because we're not exactly sure what or where the future holds past this year, but we're here and I need to work. It's alright, we're really not too worried about things revolving around where we might be. We're here and we're enjoying it.

I've been applying to job after job for months now. I tried to find places in the northwest & California among other places but nothing ever materialized. Seems to be the trend here in Idaho as well. I've been talking to a friend of mine today and we're both in the same situation. We were talking about how we just wonder how God's mind really works in relation to people like us. My conversation today simply revolved around finding a job, but it gets so much bigger than that, doesn't it? How do we as believers find that line of trusting God to provide and lead us, yet don't sit lazily around on our thumbs and just take the position that God will do it all? I saw a bumber sticker the other day that said "Trust in God, but lock your car." It's an interesting line of thought that seems to never end.

Where is that line, anyway? How do wholeheartedly trust God, relying on Him completely but take into consideration our part of the covenant? We have free will, free choices... So how do we go about trusting for God to lead yet at the same time "lock our car?" God doesn't want us to sit around and wait to be spoon fed, but at the same time I doubt he really wants for us to rely completely upon ourselves for everything, does He?

So how do we go about walking the line of faith and action? The line of trust and pursuit? It goes way beyond jobs, way beyond today. I want to trust God for every little thing, but I know much is required.

Seems I haven't arrived at any sort of conclusion.

Readings

Good readings from today:

"One defination of salvation is 'an ongoing process of becoming increaslingly concious.' Many of us remain in a state of psychic numbness throughout our lives... It is daily meditation that leads us to full wakefulness. We learn to wake up to the reality of our existance and the reality of God. Spiritual maturity is simply living in harmony with ourselves and with God. When we meditate, our eyes are taken off ourselves. We are not concerned withour own perfection or our own wisdom or even our happiness. Our eyes are fixed on Jesus, and we receive everything, literally everything, we need to run the race and to make light of the difficulties we have, whatever they are... Meditation makes us lighthearted because we know that there is only one thing essential to life and that is to be in harmony with God and ourselves (See Luke 10.42, 12.31). This is what leads to the discovery that we cannot lose once we realize that everything that happens to us has been designed to teach us holiness." Brennan Manning, Reflections for Ragamuffins, August 16.

Nan & Pop holding Breklinn 

Nan

Since before I married into Sherry's family I have been completely blown away at the relationship they all have with their grandmother, Nan. Sherry's brother, sisters, cousins, parents, aunt & uncle are so tight nit and every bit of it was centered around Nan. Sherry & her brother grew up many years with her, spending endless hours at her house in Bethany, Oklahoma. When I first met Nan after Sherry & I began dating, I fell in love with her. She had the most beautiful spirit. So funny, so humble, so hard-working, and so driven. She never stopped moving, never stopped doing things for others. I remember in those early days leading up to our wedding the thought dawned on me that one day I would probably have to go through the pain of her passing. I expected it to be in the long distant future.

We just returned from driving to Oklahoma City and back for Nan's funeral. It was hard, very hard. Nan loved me like I was her own grandson. I know this because she told me over and over again. She accepted me with open arms and the loving spirit that only those close to her could really understand. This weekend was difficult for the family. The loss is great. But God's grace was evident and continues to minister. I'm so glad I could be there with my 2nd family.

While at the burial I had the chance to see the graves of Nan & Pop's three children. One died the day after birth, one after six months, and one at five years. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. The thought haunts me at times as to what we would do if something happend to Breklinn. Nan lost three children. I don't claim to know how those years were for her and Pop, how they grieved and somehow moved on, but they did. Nan left a legacy of what it looks like to love deeply. Nothing was more important than family and serving the Lord in humility. She was honored with over 400 people in attendance at her funeral. I'll never forget it. I'm glad to have been loved by Vivian Lucile Chambers and to be part of her family. I'm grateful for how she impacted Sherry's life. I'm grateful for how she impacted my life.

Nan stood only 4' 11'' but in my eyes towered over the rest of us. I hope and pray I can be half the person she was.

Lead or Led

This weekend I was challenged about my state of faith in God. I'm a minister, not currently officially in any real way with an organized church body but it is who I am. Or who I try to be. Or am called? With this comes often times in my life this notion that somehow I shouldn't need help from others. What a load. I need help just as much if not more than anyone else. In our move from Colorado to Idaho & uncertainty the reality of needing to rely on God for pretty much everything has really started to set in.

We've worshipped at Boise First Church of the Nazarene the last few weeks and have really become comfortable and desiring to get plugged in and serve there. The pastor whom I have not met and honestly do not know his name said something though that has stuck with me. He was talking about as Christians so often we get caught up in defending Christ, making it our mission to in a way own Him, and use God for our life. But where is this ever asked of us? All we're asked to do is follow and serve. God is not mine to use or defend or try to mold into what I need. I need to simply follow and allow Christ to lead my life.

I don't have a clue as to what or where God is leading. I've never felt so lost before. But I'm starting to see that perhaps that's not that bad of a thing.

I guess I'd rather be led by God than lead Him. I wasn't doing a very good job at it anyway.

Jobs & Disc Golf

This week my friend Jesse & his wife are here visiting. It's so nice to have them around, they are really good friends. Sherry started school today and so I'm here hanging out, applying & calling on jobs, watching after Brek, and about to each lunch. J and I really like to play disc golf, so I think we'll head out to Boise later today and play. I posted some pictures of Sherry and I. These are some of my favorites. They make me miss home a bit. Colorado is so beautiful and to be that close to the mountains was a real gift. The mountains are great here as well, but I haven't had a chance to get out there. Soon enough though.

Sherry & I on the Lima, Peru coastline 

Chasm Lake looking up at Long's Peak 

Luke, Sherry & Breklinn in Arequipa, Peru 

I'm amazed how Idaho's right side looks like a profile.

I've been an offical resident of Idaho for about two weeks now and still have so much going in my mind. It's been a huge adjustment for us, but each day brings new positives and ways to get back into a better frame of mind. I've not dealt with a huge amount of transition in my life, only moved really a few times, so this one seems a bit bitter than others. It was our first during married life and the first dealing with circumstances not entirely in our control. It's ok though. It's taken a few weeks to really believe that, but I do. I've no job or real clue, but I believe God is helping me. He's helping us.

I'm new at this blog deal and pretty skeptical. Does it beat the good old private journal of honesty? That's still to be seen. I guess I'm chosing to look at this is something new as I experience something... new. I like this template though. Not a bad start.