I’ve had a tremendous last few days. I’m back up in Idaho for a bit of a conference and training. The training involved three other guys who are youth pastors at large churches around the northwest, though i'm the unoffocial youth guy at a church that has a teen population of zero. Crazy enough I’ve found myself being in community with them, learning, questioning, and experiencing Christian brotherhood like few other times in recent memory. We’ve been watching a conference over a webcast on postmodernism and youth ministry. It’s been awesome.
Our "meetings" have turned out to be more of table fellowship times with too much coffee. We presented some things from the materials we’re working through (BigPictureTraining.org), talked it all over, and worked through some of the media stuff. Somehow in the most unexpected way my soul has been refreshed with a renewed sense of self. Somehow in the fellowship of these few days, in the interaction with 3 guys whom I know a little, and one I just met, I have taken some huge steps in my Christian path. We met with a spiritual director this afternoon, something I’ve never done before. We sat and she led us in silence and contemplation. Here are some things I’m taking home with me:
I’ve worried too long and too much about becoming some sort of person or leader that I’ve seen in others. No matter how long and hard I have or could ever try to be like someone else I’d never succeed. It became clear to me as I sat in silence that I need (and we all need), to become comfortable in my own skin and quit trying to become in imitation of someone else. Don’t get me wrong I admire and look up to many people, but for me to fully be embraced by God and to develop into the person he made me to be I need to be just that: me. That goes for everyone, doesn’t it? The Kingdom doesn’t need imitations, but authentic people becoming who they were created to be. The image of God is the only imitation to be sought.
The ministry of the Kingdom is everywhere, not needing the approval of the church or church leaders in any way. So much of my worry is caught up in the fact that I’m not on staff somewhere betting paid full time to be a pastor. Sure it would be nice but it’s not my reality. I believe more and more that the opportunities I’ve had to work outside the church have shaped my faith and worldview as much if not more than my time within as a paid pastor. I hope I’m not just saying this to rationalize to being in full time church ministry, because I’d like to get back there, but I’m so thankful for the time I’ve had in new settings so different from my own. The opportunity I have in our new place and ministry has put two great things together for us: The ministry of the church and the ministry of being in a school. It’s a real tension that we’re learning to live in and still have a long way to go, but this is truly a unique time where I believe life has much to offer in the way of learning. Each day is a new journey of finding who I am in new ways while being stretched in my job and my job. I get paid for only one of them, but both are of equal importance. What an interesting time, I wonder what it will look like to reflect on these days where we’re being shaped so dramatically and on such a fast pace.
So much to look forward to. So many questions and apprehensions, but I’m leaving Idaho this time with a renewed sense of calling and peace within. This has been a time where shalom has truly been experienced. Not just a shalom/peace, but shalom/restoration.
I wish this for everyone. that we could experience more of God's shalom/peace/restoration in places of our lives where it's looked more like chaos. I has for me.
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